Friday, April 19, 2013

The Golden Ticket

Contributed by Sarah:

Of all the exciting and wonderful things that have happened in my life recently.. the *most* exciting is discovering that no one likes the “Crisp White” flavor of Franzia.  I know this because after a long weekend of avoiding responsibility, Lucy (the dog, not the married lady) put her paw on me and looked longingly into my eyes with the “let’s take a walk” look and I thought, “Damn, I’m out of boxed wine.” Well, at 6pm on a Sunday, Wal-Mart has pretty much been picked clean. Not only the booze section but also the milk, cheeses, lotions, breads, its ridiculous the assortment of “oh, I guess I can make do with this” that came home with me Sunday evening.  

Back to the point. When I rounded the corner into boxed wine mecca, my heart sank. No boxes of Chillable Red. No fruity red sangria.  No Cabernet Sauvignon.  Not even one box of the pink shit was available. What was available? 40 boxes of Crisp White.

What to do?  You bend over ten or fifteen times to see if maybe somewhere back in the dust is a lone chillable red that’s hiding in the showers. No luck. You contemplate buying too many bottles of $3 wine which would get you through the night. Then realize that no, that’s just not going to do. Ask yourself if Crisp White really could be that bad? No, it couldn’t, could it? Maybe we should try it just this once. Maybe. Let’s look one more time for the good stuff.

OH JOY! There’s an one off-brand Vella in “pink shit” (I’ve decided that’s the official flavor because my alcohol addled mind can’t think of the real name) flavor hiding among the Crisp White like that magical golden ticket or an Easter egg!   Sunday evening saved.

Lucy (again, the dog) got her walk around the block, I got my marginal quality wine and a good night’s rest. 


  1. I feel like we need a boxed wine tasting with Crisp White as an option. We can always dilute it with "Pink Shit" if it is truly as heinous as the cost conscious customers of Wal-Mart seem to be indicating.

  2. We certainly should make that happen.