Maybe I’m just lazy, but I don’t want to listen to new music to find my Summer Jam. That’s probably the first sign that I’m headed towards bitter middle age. The second sign will be when my poly-blend trousers are tucked safely beneath my armpits. However, I’m not immune to the occasional trendy hook that the preteen set gravitates towards. Case in point, Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke, T.I., and Pharrell (who also has his mitts in Daft Punk’s Get Lucky). I’m pretty sure that it’s the Marvin Gaye Got to Give It Up sample that pulls me in, but this tune is clearly a front runner for Summer Jam 2013. It has sexy crooning, the aforementioned jacked Marvin Gaye beat, and exuberant shouting. Just don’t watch the video or this delicate soufflé collapses. It wants to be George Michael’s Freedom 90, but the models prance aimlessly while the singers pose unconvincingly. And without the gravitas of a Christy Turlington or a Cindy Crawford or a Ms. Naomi Campbell (Ms. cuz I’m nasty) the effect is comical not sexy. I wouldn’t say that the video is the biggest disaster since Amanda Bynes **toke** dropped her “vase”, but it definitely lacks David Fincher’s critical eye for composition and narrative.
Back to Robin Thicke for a moment. If you really want a deviated septum **wink** kind of season, you should get into Cocaine. After all, mountains of nose candy and handcuffs in back alleys go together like lemonade and front porch rockers. It’s the very essence of summer.
If that’s not your scene though, I would like to offer an alternative. This next candidate is very dear to me. It has the vibe of a stoner song, the beat of a hip hop jam, and the lyrics of a true innovator. Missy Elliott’s Hit Em Wit Da Hee has real potential as my Summer Anthem. That’s right, circa 1997 ya’ll! I told you I’m lazy. But listen to this one. I mean, this features Lil’ Kim, after Hard Core but before the crazy facial reconstruction. Missy is not speaking the Queen’s English; she’s barely speaking intelligible words. Wait, is that onomatopoeia I hear? Why, yes it is! This is the Summer Jam your English teacher could support.