Sunday, September 20, 2009


No dates are currently brewing, so I browse. Most of these men are one of the following (or an unpleasant combination of one or more of these things):
  • offshore worker
  • military
  • ugly
  • socially inept
Please don't misunderstand. I like military boys just like the next girl, but they're usually just stationed near me only for a short time. Why would I want to pursue a relationship with someone who's gonna be living on the other side of the country next month?

You've read how much I like roughnecks. I do. I love a hard working man. Bring on the work boots and calloused hands, please and thank you. However, I don't necessarily want to date someone who works offshore, mainly because of their schedules. I realize that works for some people, but I am not one of those people.

I will not defend ugliness or social retardation.

Occasionally, I stumble upon a profile that has only one picture to represent the picture with several people in it. That's not fair. Which one are you???

So I'm flipping through profiles, flirting like crazy, trying to make something happen. Now comes the agonizing wait for response. Sometimes you get a "No Thanks" e-mail; sometimes you get nothing. I prefer nothing to a no thank you. I don't understand the people who don't respond in any way. I can see that you've been online and you know I'm interested. There's no way that you're out of my league, right? I've (facebook equivalent of) poked 33 people. I've gotten 6 "No Thank You" e-mails. What about the rest of you fellas? Am I gonna have to get ballsy and write e-mails? This blows.

The pressure of the pre-date e-mailing is disgusting. You ask logistical questions and get logistical answers. Snore. Once you get past all that boring stuff, you may begin to cultivate a fondness for one another based solely on a little shallow, electronic flirting. Seems harmless enough. When you write an e-mail, you can take your time. You can rearrange your sentences (over and over), double check your grammar (if you know how) and correct your spelling (if you're keen enough to realize you've spelled things incorrectly).

*Side note for all you novice-computer-users who want to date me: Spell check will work in your favor. keds ≠ kids. thim ≠ them. ezey ≠ easy. spind ≠ spend. Et cetera and so forth. You may be a very hard working, upstanding gentleman of a fella, but it's really difficult to get past these glaring mistakes. Please try to clean things up a bit.

E-mailing also affords the opportunity to spare yourself any embarrassment caused by over-exposure (that is, talking too much). You can't do that in regular conversation. Sometimes after I speak, the ridiculous nonsense that comes out of my mouth seems to float in front of my face for a few agonizing seconds and then crack like an egg over my head. It's nice to avoid that feeling.

I've been recognizing people from my dating service when I'm out on the town. Some of them aren't as good in real life as they seem online...but there's one fella who seems better in real life. I've been trying to flirt with him subtly (well, last night I bought him a drink. that's not very subtle.) but he seems kind of shy. He must not check his account very often because I flirted a little with him online the first day I saw him in real life (weeks ago). If I end up going on a date with him, would that still be considered internet dating? After all, initial contact was made in real life...

Not internet related at all, I exchanged phone numbers with two different boys last night. What's all this about? That never happens. The first one (as far as I can remember) was good-looking and nice and I hope will take me to dinner soon. The second: I can't decide how much of his story I should tell. I want to tell everything I remember, but I may have to take down the post if he finds out about it. So I'll post it seperately.


  1. Cliffhanger!!! I must know who this boy is that you found more interesting in real life! Of course, I will expect nothing more than for you to discreetly identify him if we 3 happen to be at the pub simultaneously. I'm so curious! Oh, did I mention book? hehe

  2. I'll point him out. He seems like a nice kid. I talked enough to him last time I saw him that it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to invite him to sit with the group. I'll see what I can do. You know I'm a ringleader.

  3. A damn mover and a shaker is what you are Lucy Parker!